That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
