no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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