does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
