First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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