thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So. Much. Porn.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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