Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
