Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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