i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
