and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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