dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
