What did we do last night that was yellow?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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