there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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