I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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