i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
