Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
