These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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