She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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