Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
