I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
