I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
