have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
