I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
