I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
