____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
