I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
