She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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