It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
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