First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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