I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
