remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
