The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
