I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
