If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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