gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
