So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
