I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No subtext here. People are naked.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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