I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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