its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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