Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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