So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
