my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize