why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
