Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
