Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
