How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you would pick up someone in the library
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
