didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
