I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They took my balls.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
