I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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