i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
