i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
