I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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